I have a confession to make. I am excessively fond of my three human pets and in particular my girl. Therefore, I have allowed them to bring in not one, but two pets of their own. My girl has been nervous of late, ever since the burglary of our home. So, I allowed her to search for a dog to enable her to sleep more peacefully at night. She came home with two, and I turned into a giant softy and allowed her to keep them. Both.
I have to admit, it's sort of nice having giant blockhead dogs around to act as bouncers for our yard. I no longer have to fight off the neighbors cat who keeps trying to take parts of my territory, or worry about the coyotes that live up the hill. And to be fair, they do understand the importance of naps. This does recommend them as not being entirely without virtue.
And yet, here I am writing invectives to you against the very dogs I allowed to enter my home. I may admit that they have their uses, but I certainly don't enjoy many of their antics. Yes, yes, they keep out the coyotes. But there are two of them and they are so very dull and tedious at times.
Truly, is there anything more disgusting than a dog? They are excitable in the extreme. Today I watched as they worked themselves into a frenzy because one of my human pets came into the room holding a pair of socks. One can only assume that this signaled to the hideously stupid creatures that a walk was imminent. Whatever tiny shred of dignity it is that dogs may retain on other occasions was lost instantly upon sighting the socks. It is embarrassing to have such animals around at times. As pets for my pets, or as I like to view them, my employees, it is embarrassing that they should have so little intelligence and dignity about them.
I know that as cats we are excessively attentive to our dignity. Yet, one ought to be embarrassed for being so unabashedly excited about even the possibility of a walk. Clearly, this is spoken from one with very little experience with dogs. It seems they are barely able to contain themselves long enough to have the leashes put on. And that is another thing. I know that they are the pets of my pets, but to submit to being tied to a string.... terrible. Dogs, however, seem entirely ignorant of their constant humiliation.
I suppose I ought not complain since I find them useful in some respects. But could they not behave with just the smallest bit of dignity? I know grace and elegance is beyond the mastery of a dog. But could they not at least bathe themselves on occasion? Or try not to drool all over themselves after a drink because they forget to close their mouths? They eat anything without thought and sometimes without even a pretense at chewing. They roll in the dirt, yes it's vile and also oddly interesting to watch from above. And they bark at everything that moves and anyone who speaks. Truly, dogs are the worst. It's a miracle I have had the patience to deal with them at all.
Sigh, the things we do for love. Never say I didn't care for my human. Until then, I am, as ever, at your service because it pleases me to be so.
xx
Miss Kitty
P.S. If you think of a better way of protecting my human from her fears of intruders I will listen with bated breath and quivering whiskers.
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