Customs of cats: evil or not evil?

Cherished Readers,
I just read an article on Cracked.com that says that many of our logical behaviors as cats are actually quite evil.  The article, entitled "6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations" seems to think that doing all these things is rather rude.  But I argue that this is only because it is viewed in a backwards and very unenlightened manner.

Reason 4 of their article: "Rubbing Against You to Declare Ownership"
It is not evil or rude of me to rub against your legs and claim you with my scent because I do own you.  You, human pet, are in fact my property.  That is the very notion of pet-owning.  It would be very inconsiderate of me to not claim you when I greeted you.  Wouldn't you feel slighted if I refused to say hello, told you I do not like or claim you, and then went and shared my love with a chair and claimed it instead?  I should think so at any rate.

Reason 6 of their article: "Meowing to Imitate a Baby Human"
It is also not evil of us to imitate the frequencies of human babies in our urgent calls to you.  We know you are not smart enough to handle our complex language so we adapt our calls to make them understandable to you.  I hardly find that evil.  I think that's rather considerate as a matter of fact.

Reason 5 of their article: "Leaving Their Poop Uncovered As An Insult"

Yes, we can be territorial, and yes we do sometimes use ancient territorial customs of waste markings to show who is in control of a certain area.  But don't take offense at this.  You are our pets, we aren't trying to offend you.  We are just stating facts and there is nothing evil about owning to the truth.  Don't label our actions as evil just because your pride gets hurt a little.  Silly humans.

Reason 1 of their article: "Bringing Home Dead Animals to Show You Suck at Hunting"

And lastly, I'd like to say that it is not evil of us to try to teach you how to hunt.  If we try to get you to chase live lizards or bring you dead rodents it is because we worry about what will happen to you if we aren't around to provide for you.  We cats are concerned about our human pets' well being and hunting is so important to stability and happiness.  You can't be happy if you can't hunt and eat and live well.

Showing my human how to stalk things in tall grass. - photo by Madder Hatter

This author is amazed that such simple things could be so misunderstood.  Perhaps humans are more easily offended than I thought.  Perhaps I'm just lucky to have a good-natured human pet.  I hope this clears up a few things for the other human pets out there who may read this.

You must excuse me, there is a string tempting me from the corner that must be chased and killed.  I must bid you farewell for the time being.  I am, as ever, at your service because it pleases me to be so. 

xx
Miss Kitty