Humans are inherently lazy creatures. They sleep all night when every cat knows that nighttime is the best time for hunting. Even on days with truly inclement weather we cats at least pay homage to the hunting ritual by honing our hunting skills. We find random household objects to pounce on, throwing them up in the air and catching them expertly with teeth and claws. We toss them across the room and practice stalking and leaping towards them. And perhaps most importantly we practice sprints. Up and down halls, and up furniture to practice maneuvers on difficult terrain all while our lazy human pets doze contentedly for hours. We cats like to be ready for anything and shirking our nightly exercises is simply out of the question. As a superior race it is our duty to stay in top mental and physical condition.
But I digress. You, dear feline reader, already know our customs. The point of this article is to instruct you in the best way to ensure your lazy human pets get enough exercise. While we pride ourselves on staying in shape, humans do not share our compunctions. If left to their own devices they will sit in front of a boring rectangle of some variety and stare for hours. It is up to you to make sure your pet human gets the exercise he needs. Start by getting your human's attention. You can rub against his legs until he notices you or shout his name until he looks your way. Secure your pet's attention by whatever method works best for you. Once, they are looking at you run for the door. Repeat this process until your human follows you outside.
Remember that this is in the best interest of your human. If the only way to get them outside for their exercise is to shout at the top of your lungs and demonstrate the might of your claws against the corner of a piece of furniture, then by all means, do so.
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| Do I have your attention now? - "Caught in the Act" photo via Flickr by Andreanna Moya Photography |
Once you have your human outside they will probably be sulking because they do not enjoy exercising. The most belligerent of human pets tend to find another perch to sit on while you try with false enthusiasm to show them how to exercise. It is the opinion of this author that the best way to make your human move is to coax them with the hope of a nice warm cuddle. Start by affectionately rubbing their legs and when they reach down to pet you move slightly in front of their hand. With, tail up in encouragement lead them about the yard for their walk. Always just inches away your pet will continue following you in the vain hope that they might catch you.
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| Come along pet, that's it, follow the tail. - "Cat tail" photo via Flickr by Blhphotography |
If they are particularly good reward them with a warm cuddly hug and a kitty kiss or two. Perhaps they will remember that walks result in hugs and will be better behaved next time. Training your human takes a lot of time, but a well trained human is a true joy. Besides when have we cats ever given up on a good thing just because it was hard. Such failures are beneath us.
As always, I am at your service because it pleases me to be so.
xx
Miss Kitty
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