The Bathing Ritual - Are Humans Really Clean?

"Cleaning" photo via Flickr by W.Ho's Photo?

Dear Readers,

We all know that cats are inherently clean, unlike certain unmentionable creatures that are sometimes called man's best friend.  But the real question is whether humans and their bathing habits are truly above reproach in the cleanliness area. 

So, as a naturally suspicious cat I like to supervise my human's bathing habits to ensure that she does in fact clean and make sure nothing attacks her when she is in the shower, you know, spiders, dogs, that sort of thing.  But I don't like to just barge in at her heels like a slobbering dog would do.  I like to be invited.  So I run to the door and then walk away til she closes it.  Then I politely ask to be invited in.  She sighs and asks "Well, do you want in or not?" And then I come in at a sedate pace like the gentile lady that I am.

"Just a Little Lick" photo by Madder Hatter

She bathes, with loads of water, frankly a barbaric custom if you ask me.  One of these days she will catch a cold.  While she douses herself with water I wait impatiently on the rugs til she finishes.  If I fear she has been in the water too long for her own good I start shouting at her to get out.  Then I encourage her to dry herself quickly by running to and from the door.  She thinks I want out and says she cannot open the door because she is not dressed.  Really I'm just concerned about her safety.  It's not healthy to stay wet all over for such lengths of time.  I'm just trying to speed things up for her own good.

I also usually give her a few licks on her legs and feet to make sure at least a small part of her has been properly cleaned not just sprinkled with water.  She squirms about when I do this.  Truly she is worse than a kitten.

But in the end we all end up toasty warm with a fuzzy blanket for the evening so I suppose I can overlook my pet's deplorable grasp of proper hygiene.  But if you have any suggestions for how to convince a human to stop watering herself please do let me know.

I am, as always, at your service because it pleases me to be so.

xx
Miss Kitty

Why do humans wear Glasses?

Dear Gentle Readers,

Today I have a bit of an observation to make about the way that humans wear glasses.  It has occurred to me that they seem to have no purpose.  My pet human has recently acquired what she calls reading glasses.  I have watched her closely and I can now say with certainty that she spends equal amounts of time reading without them as she does with them.  The wearing of said reading glasses does not make her read faster when I want her to do other things.  Nor do they make her more comfortable and tend towards longer reading sessions when I want to sleep on her lap.

"Shouldn't you be wearing these?" photo via Flickr by Edward Peters

Reading glasses do not appear to increase energy levels or in any way change my human's activities.  They do not seem to have much point, if I am entirely honest.  They only thing I have found good about them is that they come in an interesting case.  I love to watch it open and close revealing it's hidden contents.

I do try to be supportive of my pet even when I find her behavior odd and incomprehensible.  So I decided to anoint the reading glass with my approval by giving them a hearty face rub.  So, I began at the corners and rubbed my face on said reading glasses one evening when she was settling in to read.  And the strange creature seemed annoyed with this.  She made some vaguely disgruntled noise and removed the reading glasses saying that I had put a streak across them and they needed to be cleaned.  Really for a creature that does not lick it's fur into a state of perfection, a human can be very prissy about cleanliness and appearance sometimes.  You'd think I'd bent her whiskers in half and made her look lopsided the way she was carrying on. 

I do not understand her fascination with and appreciation of reading glasses.  Maybe they are somehow related to that strange glowing rectangles all humans love to stare at.  Only, perhaps reading glasses are better because there is one rectangle for each eye?  Who knows.  I suppose the main thing is that she is happy, even if I cannot understand her.  Silly pet.

"My Cat Wears Glasses" photo via Flickr by Nick Perla

Really, how DO they see out of these things?

My dear readers if you do have any insight into why my pet loves reading glasses I'd love to hear it.  I am, as you may suspect, entirely curious about them and their fascinating little case.

I am, as ever, at your service because it pleases me to be so.

xx
Miss Kitty

Daily Advice: Clean Whiskers

Good morning dear Readers,

I just woke up from my day long catnap and I intend to go to sleep for the night now.  You, are interrupting my beauty sleep, so I don't really have anything to say to you.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I promised you a piece of advice.  So, you shall have one.  I am true to my word.  I am a cat after all.

The advice for today has to do with your whiskers.  Always ensure that your whiskers are clean.  Clean whiskers are the hallmark of feline excellence.  It is much easier to retain a superior attitude and proper levels of dignity if you have clean whiskers.  Indignation and disdain look preposterous on the face of a cat whose whiskers are not perfectly clean.  Oh, and if you've ever heard the phrase that humans like to use "cleanliness is next to Godliness", well, it just so happens that the origin of this phrase lies in our clean whiskers.  In some cultures we cats are revered, if not as gods, at least as inherently superior beings.  Our cleanliness was noted and our impeccable whiskers inspired this phrase and also better grooming habits in humans.  So, dear friends, clean your whiskers.  Flaunt your superiority.  Inspire greatness everywhere.

Oh and take a nap.  Naps are wonderful.  Period.  Speaking of which I'm off to bed.  I'm pleased to say that I've given you two pieces of advice today.  As ever, I am at your service because it pleases me to be so.

"Bo" photo via Flickr by Melissa

xx
Miss Kitty