Daily Advice: Clean Whiskers

Good morning dear Readers,

I just woke up from my day long catnap and I intend to go to sleep for the night now.  You, are interrupting my beauty sleep, so I don't really have anything to say to you.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I promised you a piece of advice.  So, you shall have one.  I am true to my word.  I am a cat after all.

The advice for today has to do with your whiskers.  Always ensure that your whiskers are clean.  Clean whiskers are the hallmark of feline excellence.  It is much easier to retain a superior attitude and proper levels of dignity if you have clean whiskers.  Indignation and disdain look preposterous on the face of a cat whose whiskers are not perfectly clean.  Oh, and if you've ever heard the phrase that humans like to use "cleanliness is next to Godliness", well, it just so happens that the origin of this phrase lies in our clean whiskers.  In some cultures we cats are revered, if not as gods, at least as inherently superior beings.  Our cleanliness was noted and our impeccable whiskers inspired this phrase and also better grooming habits in humans.  So, dear friends, clean your whiskers.  Flaunt your superiority.  Inspire greatness everywhere.

Oh and take a nap.  Naps are wonderful.  Period.  Speaking of which I'm off to bed.  I'm pleased to say that I've given you two pieces of advice today.  As ever, I am at your service because it pleases me to be so.

"Bo" photo via Flickr by Melissa

xx
Miss Kitty
                 

The Perfect Day

Dear Readers,
I do not think it is very becoming in cats to exhibit false modesty.  So, I shall get straight to the point and announce with pleasure that I have come up with the recipe for the perfect day.  Here is how my day went and consequently here is my recipe for the perfect day.

1. Get a good night's sleep
I awoke from a nice long sleep through most of the night (after I completed my hunting exercises of forty sprints up and down the hall in the dark) and stretched luxuriously in my nest of exactly three different types of fuzzy blankets. 

2. Stretch
After arising from my perfectly shaped nest I stretched all my limbs and arched my back for the perfect "I've just stretched and the world is my bed of catnip feeling".

3. Nap
I walked three paces from the bottom of the bed where my nest is to my human's legs and stretched out on top of her for a quick morning nap.  This was only slightly interrupted when she wished to roll over in her sleep but I readjusted and we continued napping.

"Clawy stretch" photo via Flickr by Martin Cathrae

4.  Stretch before you Dine
I awoke from my quick catnap and stretched deeply before proceeding to my breakfast. 

5. Obtain affection
I made sure at least two of my three human pets were up and doing their chores and allowed them to pet me in appreciation of my beauty and perfection.

6. Nap
I napped on top of my pet's legs again til it was time for her to get up and then I demanded she start exercising for her health.

7. Tour the gardens
My estate is of a goodly size and I need to ensure it's proper maintenance and the smooth efficiency of it's running.  I always check the perimeter for coyotes in case I need to call the giant blockhead dogs to act as guards again.

8. Catnap
Now that I've inspected everything and made sure my pets and employees know of any deficiencies it is time for a nice long catnap.  Usually I take this in the living room atop a tower at the summit of which is a blanket nest.  It is perfect for being at the center of activity should I be needed, observing things with a lazy eye when I'm half asleep and napping in the company of my beloved pets.

9. Stretch before lunch
Stretch before a quick dash up the stairs to keep nimble then dine upstairs away from the dogs and their hideous way of devouring food and leaving crumbs everywhere.  They ought to have more pride in their manners.

"Stretching his claws" photo via Flickr by Grendelkhan

10.  Afternoon stroll
I inspected the grounds, chased lizards etc.

11.  Catnap
On the clean towels

13. Evening jaunt outside
My favorite time outside is just after the sun sets when the air has cooled off and the frogs start singing in the creek below. 

14. Dine
I always make sure one of my pets touches my food to ensure it's edibility.  Then I allow them to go while I eat in the casual and relaxing atmosphere of my private dining room.  

15. Catnap
At this hour I sleep on the tower where I can watch with one sleepy eye while the humans finish up their nightly activities.

16. Exercise
Practice hunting

17 Go to bed.
I settle in for the night in my nest, or if convenient on my human's legs.

18 Wake up refreshed and start all over

I don't mind saying that the day really was a delectable example of perfection.  Give it a try gentle feline readers and see if this recipe for a perfect day suits you equally as well.  If you will excuse me it is now time for my fifth nap of the day.  I am, as ever, at your service because it pleases me to be so.

xx
Miss Kitty
           

My Poor Cat Door

Dear Readers,
I am almost afraid to write this to you because of how undignified it is.  I do not wish to shock your delicate ears or curl your elegant whiskers.  But I feel that I must share this shocking news with someone.

"Shadow Barking Through the Cat Door" - photo by Madder Hatter

My cat door has been violated.

By a dog!!!

It seems that the two blockheads discussed in my last post, (you can read it here), have stooped to new levels of disgrace.  They have sullied my beautiful and personal door to the outside world with their hideous muzzles.  Well, I shouldn't say they, exactly.  I've only caught one of them in this disgraceful pose, but I have no doubt the other has no scruples and would disgrace me in the same way if he had the chance.  The larger of the two blockheads throws himself at the floor and tries to squish as much of his gargantuan face through the cat door as possible.  He seems to view it as his personal window for barking at those who approach the kitchen door.

He SLOBBERS on MY threshold.  My personal door.  Ruined!!!  The horror of it!  The indignity of it!  You can imagine my horror when I saw this heinous performance.  He jowls bestowing liberal slobberous lubricants to my small doorframe.  The cat flap resting on the tip of his nose and leaping violently with every undignified and monstrous bark.  His eyes barely fitting into the frame peering out as though there was nothing more natural in the world than a giant hulking ogre of a beast attempting to squish his 93 pound body through a door meant for my slim and elegant form.  Are my sensibilities to be offended in every possible way!?!   I ask you, is there no end to their heinous behaviors?

"Cat Door or Dog Window?" - photo by Madder Hatter

I nearly fainted with the shock of such a hideous sight.  I do not blame you if you feel a faintness coming on either.  I wish I could tell you that I was joking, though I must say it would be a joke in very poor taste.  But alas, I cannot.  It is all too true.  These blockheads, these ogres, these Dogs must be taught their place and I can assure you that it is not with their heads protruding through MY door.  I must do something to reclaim it.

"The End of Order" - photo by Madder Hatter

Let this be a lesson to you.  Inviting dogs into your home for whatever reason only leads to strife and an appalling lack in cleanliness and order.  I know they are inferior creatures but I have to admit to having very uncharitable dreams about their sudden and convenient demise.  I have a few plots in mind for reclaiming my door; unfortunately they do not involve untimely departure from this world as it would only upset my human.  I do love her so.  But something must be done to curb the wicked ways of the dogs.  I am still pondering the best method of dealing with them and I welcome any suggestions from those felines more versed in dealing with malodorous and hideous beasts.


As always, I am at your service because it pleases me to be so.


xx
Miss Kitty