Life is a hectic race sometimes, isn't it? In order to prevent the encroachment of life's crazy activities on my nap time I've decided to gather up some new experts, I mean cats, to contribute to this blog. So, today, I'm going to introduce a few new cats to you.
Don't worry I'll still be here with critical advice for you. In the meantime you will get to enjoy the wisdom of more than one cat. We are all naturally brilliant creatures. So, I know having a few more cat contributors will only be beneficial to everyone.
So without further ado, I will let the authors introduce themselves.
Abelard
Hello, or Salve, as it's said in Ancient Rome. I am a scholar, a linguist, and a great advocate for the Cat language. Humans believe that the oldest language was Sumerian, dating to roughly 3500BC. This is not true. The poetic language of Cats has been part of a global oral tradition that vastly predates any written human language. Our language has a sophistication, a beauty, that is hard to capture. It is no secret that the Egyptian's revered us. This is largely due to the elegance and finesse of our language, our culture, and our oral tradition.
I suppose you are all wondering if the Ancient Cat language was a written language all of those years ago. It has been a well kept secret but Cat had a secret written language that was known only to cats for many millennia. A landmark Cat Council five years ago concluded that we could admit to the existence of our ancient written language, though no human will ever be taught Ancient Cat. What is more known, but still a rather well kept secret is that a modern version of Cat has been developed to adapt Cat to age of the Internet.
I think it is a true shame that there aren't more pieces written in Cat. So, after this introduction all of my pieces will be written entirely in the modern Cat language. As it's such a concise and beautifully nuanced language my posts will be short and elegant, much shorter than the English ones you'll read. I'll include links to scholarly articles when appropriate. Now, if you don't know Cat, then this is your chance to learn. You're welcome.
JoJo
Hello, gentle cat folk and human pets. I am a Russian Blue, a large, regal and dignified Cat, though I say so myself. In my household I have three human pets and two dogs that I consider bodyguards. I am here to provide you more advice on daily life, teach you the best training techniques for human pets, write a bit about life as a Cat and much more. Some of my pieces will be more poetic, some comedic and some will just contain advice and anecdotes about my life. I shall entertain and advise as long as Miss Kitty sees fit to keep me around.
The SuRB
I am part of a secret underworld faction of Cat mobsters. I cannot tell you who I work for. In that life I am known as The SuRB. It is short for Surly Round Bastard. I have lived more of my nine lives than I will admit to in public. But violence and risk are just part of the mobster life. I have not been a naive kitten for several lives now. Mob cats do not retire to live the quiet life and sleep on velvet cushions. I am here to write some of the stories from the good old days. Don't worry, none of these stories will come back to haunt you.
For those of you human pets and pampered kittens who have never encountered a cat mobster I will give you a few basic facts. Stories from past lives are allowed to be legends. Every life a cat is allowed to choose a new name. In the Cat Mob, a cat is usually given a name, rather like human gangsters from the films. I was given my current name, The SuRB by some of my fellow mob cats. You will have to ask them about it, if you have questions. I am only here to tell stories about my past lives and events as a mob cat.
Nerone
I'm an historian and will be bringing interesting Cat history to both Cats and human pets. Our history has been long and complex across the globe and I think in modern times has been overlooked. I blame the deplorable state of journalism and sensationalist news cycles for this. Well, that and the internet meme culture. Humans have been laughing at us for too long and neglecting the serious nature of important cat history and culture. I think that this is in part due to the fact that Cats prefer to only speak on important subjects, not litter the internet with every passing thought that might occur to a dog. We need to begin to balance the account of history with our own perspective and I am here to do just that.
Princess
I am a lifestyle Cat. I am here to teach you how to live the best life, to achieve a heightened state of royalty, and to get your human to pamper you beyond reason. I'm talking diamonds and parties, velvet cushions, fashion and butter served on silver dishes.
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